Sadness Visit

Since long time i didnt taste the tear drop and hold it in my eye and crying inside heart....... The sadness visit in this evening make my mood drop till the bottom.

Driving along the way to the hospital university. This is different feeling with normal day due to i go to visit my neighbour" relationship seem like my sister". i remember last 2 visit to hospital is a happiness but this time i feel scare and reluctant to accept the reality coz i visit a cancer patient.

I steped in the door and she cant recognised me. She told me she easy forget memory recently. I told her my nickname. She smile and remember back me. i felt surprised that her look change a lot due to the cancer make her suffering. When the time we talked together, she start headache and complaining the head so pain. At that moment, i feel my self cant help her anything, i m really dont know what to do. Console her ?

When her boy friend away for awhile, she talked to me why she become like this? she told me she is very suffering because her family worry her and her family need to take care of her. She told me she want to be in normal life but she felt that she cant control her life and fate of life. When the time she talked to you, i was really wanna tear drop and cry ..... coz i cant answer her... i hold her hand.... i hold her hand tiely..... luckily i didnt cry coz i know if i cry she will cry too...... what for i come to visit her and make her cry. i should comfort her and make her happy....

After a while, i changed my topic and talked about travelling. she likes to travel as me. i told her i will go to travel to Shanghai in September and detail of the trip. besides that, i told her some stories for my KK 4 years study there. I tried to comfort her feeling and advised to do chanting in normal time. She told me not easy to chanting coz her painful make her cant concentrate chanting. i hold her hand and let her feel my warm and i m supporting her. She also tiely my hand and told me take care myself. The moment when a patient ask u to take care ..... how is my feeling ? my eye become red colour and tear around my eye......

Suddenly myself feel hard to voice out coz once i voice out the sound is crying sound..... The painful she suffering i think normal people like us is hard to imagine... she said she want to cry due to the painful from her head.

I dont like to experience the close relationship people leave me and see them suffering and i cant do anything about that. I m a person so greedy about that. I want all love surrounding me forever. I scare it will lose in 1 day. Like my 1st love broke up, i need to spend 1 year plus to recover my sadness. i know it is not right to have this attitude.

No matter how she will become to.... Mui Har ..... i will hold ur hand and support u ...... U r like my sister..... i m really the darkness sky change to rainbow sky......... The life is not just sick and sad...

Regards
Ken