Since long time i didnt taste the tear drop and hold it in my eye and crying inside heart....... The sadness visit in this evening make my mood drop till the bottom.
Driving along the way to the hospital university. This is different feeling with normal day due to i go to visit my neighbour" relationship seem like my sister". i remember last 2 visit to hospital is a happiness but this time i feel scare and reluctant to accept the reality coz i visit a cancer patient.
I steped in the door and she cant recognised me. She told me she easy forget memory recently. I told her my nickname. She smile and remember back me. i felt surprised that her look change a lot due to the cancer make her suffering. When the time we talked together, she start headache and complaining the head so pain. At that moment, i feel my self cant help her anything, i m really dont know what to do. Console her ?
When her boy friend away for awhile, she talked to me why she become like this? she told me she is very suffering because her family worry her and her family need to take care of her. She told me she want to be in normal life but she felt that she cant control her life and fate of life. When the time she talked to you, i was really wanna tear drop and cry ..... coz i cant answer her... i hold her hand.... i hold her hand tiely..... luckily i didnt cry coz i know if i cry she will cry too...... what for i come to visit her and make her cry. i should comfort her and make her happy....
After a while, i changed my topic and talked about travelling. she likes to travel as me. i told her i will go to travel to Shanghai in September and detail of the trip. besides that, i told her some stories for my KK 4 years study there. I tried to comfort her feeling and advised to do chanting in normal time. She told me not easy to chanting coz her painful make her cant concentrate chanting. i hold her hand and let her feel my warm and i m supporting her. She also tiely my hand and told me take care myself. The moment when a patient ask u to take care ..... how is my feeling ? my eye become red colour and tear around my eye......
Suddenly myself feel hard to voice out coz once i voice out the sound is crying sound..... The painful she suffering i think normal people like us is hard to imagine... she said she want to cry due to the painful from her head.
I dont like to experience the close relationship people leave me and see them suffering and i cant do anything about that. I m a person so greedy about that. I want all love surrounding me forever. I scare it will lose in 1 day. Like my 1st love broke up, i need to spend 1 year plus to recover my sadness. i know it is not right to have this attitude.
No matter how she will become to.... Mui Har ..... i will hold ur hand and support u ...... U r like my sister..... i m really the darkness sky change to rainbow sky......... The life is not just sick and sad...
Regards
Ken
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Life So Uncertainty .....Cancer
I grow up in chinese new village. Since i was young, i used to be mix around with my neighbour playing those kind funny games such as "抓豹虎”， “放风筝”，“打羽毛球”，“煮菜”和“钓鱼”。Those happy moment still in my mind. My close childhoodmates is older than me 4 years. He is the guy most close with me even we were different age. Since primary school i alway went to his house and spent whole day with him for weekend. my neighbour seem like second house. I remember deeply that we went to pasar malam every saturday. Saturday is a most happy day i waiting for in whole week. We went to pasar malam bought foods to eat and sometimes will went to his friend house to chit chat. Those time i was young still not popular with mamak store.
Time pass so fast, when i was form 2, he fell sick brain cancer. I knew that brain cancer make him so suffering. He is a one of among strong person i ever see. As we know cancer treatment is a very painful treatment for human. I have accompany him pass through all the time for treatment and in hospital. i have NEVER see him cry or complaining the painful treatment. I dont know whether we grow up in a poor family, poor family maybe teach us lesson must TAHAN bitter. Life so uncertainty, he was 20 years old young guy need to face the most difficulty in his life. He was a wise spend person, he didnt like to spend money with not neccessary. He always told me and remind me spend wisely. I still remember. he told me " please finish ur dishes, coz african cant even have chance to eat." He alway think his family 1st, he didnt want to burden his family coz of his sick. What i can say....... Such a good guy and alway think family 1st. Why he had to suffer this sick ...... life uncertainty .... He did a twice operation but the cancer spread and grow back in his brain. Finally he lose this battle but i know he was a Hero coz he did a lot of things that i can remember and even i have practice now...... Wei Keng , Even time pass 12 years, i still remember u.
Mui Har, is like my sister. She is older than me 5 years, she is Wei Keng sister. Why god have to make their family member to get horrible Cancer. last 2 years, she is fligthing battle with cancer until now. In this 2 years, when i have chance meet her, i wont dare to ask about her condition. I will talk about travel and myself. She like to travel same as me " backapacker". Recently i saw her condition become weaker and weaker. i really feel very sad how come a gal planning to marry with her boy friend. Now everything is uncertainty for her, she didnt did any wrong things. she likes to do charity work too. I heard this evening she admitted hospital, she didnt eat anything this 2 days..... i Feel WORRY and really hope she can recover back. Coz she has promised me she and her boy friend will go to Gunung Ledang with me. We have a chance to backpack travel. Dont Give Up Mui Har...... u need to be strong enough to pass through ur critical path. A lot happiness waiting for u. U told me u wanna be a volunteer for buddish organisation. This wish will come so soon for u. I tell u, this a article i dedicate to u. i know u dont even know this blog. My tear drop coz i treat u as my sister.... Mui Har u told me i m like u brother. yes i m ..... Sister... please be strong enough..... i will pray for u ..... Amitabha
Time pass so fast, when i was form 2, he fell sick brain cancer. I knew that brain cancer make him so suffering. He is a one of among strong person i ever see. As we know cancer treatment is a very painful treatment for human. I have accompany him pass through all the time for treatment and in hospital. i have NEVER see him cry or complaining the painful treatment. I dont know whether we grow up in a poor family, poor family maybe teach us lesson must TAHAN bitter. Life so uncertainty, he was 20 years old young guy need to face the most difficulty in his life. He was a wise spend person, he didnt like to spend money with not neccessary. He always told me and remind me spend wisely. I still remember. he told me " please finish ur dishes, coz african cant even have chance to eat." He alway think his family 1st, he didnt want to burden his family coz of his sick. What i can say....... Such a good guy and alway think family 1st. Why he had to suffer this sick ...... life uncertainty .... He did a twice operation but the cancer spread and grow back in his brain. Finally he lose this battle but i know he was a Hero coz he did a lot of things that i can remember and even i have practice now...... Wei Keng , Even time pass 12 years, i still remember u.
Mui Har, is like my sister. She is older than me 5 years, she is Wei Keng sister. Why god have to make their family member to get horrible Cancer. last 2 years, she is fligthing battle with cancer until now. In this 2 years, when i have chance meet her, i wont dare to ask about her condition. I will talk about travel and myself. She like to travel same as me " backapacker". Recently i saw her condition become weaker and weaker. i really feel very sad how come a gal planning to marry with her boy friend. Now everything is uncertainty for her, she didnt did any wrong things. she likes to do charity work too. I heard this evening she admitted hospital, she didnt eat anything this 2 days..... i Feel WORRY and really hope she can recover back. Coz she has promised me she and her boy friend will go to Gunung Ledang with me. We have a chance to backpack travel. Dont Give Up Mui Har...... u need to be strong enough to pass through ur critical path. A lot happiness waiting for u. U told me u wanna be a volunteer for buddish organisation. This wish will come so soon for u. I tell u, this a article i dedicate to u. i know u dont even know this blog. My tear drop coz i treat u as my sister.... Mui Har u told me i m like u brother. yes i m ..... Sister... please be strong enough..... i will pray for u ..... Amitabha
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